I never wanted to go to college. I only did it because that’s what my parents told me I was supposed to do, and that was the only logical next step I could think to take after graduating high school.
My heart has never been in it; I’ve been using school to get farther and farther away from home.
How is it that all the adults in my life told me throughout high school that I was too young and immature to make “grown” or “adult” decisions (I heard this a lot in regards to relationships, particularly), yet they trusted me at 18 years old to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life? What kind of logical fucking sense does that even make?
And you know what? I am convinced that college has ruined my life.
I will be almost $40K in debt by the time I graduate.
Until I pay that off, I am a slave.
I. Am. A. Slave.
Because of school.
But it’s the “right” thing to do. It’s the “responsible” thing to do. It’s the “only” thing to do to ensure a good future for myself (and my family).
Do I look like I give two shits about my potential future family and finances right now? I’m pulling my hair out, stressing over school, and it doesn’t even fucking matter. Why can’t I enjoy today? Why do I always have to work, work, work.
I am too young to feel as burnt out and old as I do.
I blame school.
And I don’t even think a Bachelor’s is worth very much; and I don’t have a lot of faith in the career field or economy by the time I’m ready for my career, anyways. I know way too many 30-year olds with Bachelor’s, who are still bar tending and serving…
And why did it all have to get done NOW? What if I didn’t want to go to school until I was 40? What if I wanted to raise kids first, and then go to school for a career? What if I just wanted to know what the fuck I wanted to spend the rest of my life working on, before I threw $40,000 into it? What if school just isn’t really for me, despite what my parents wanted?
I want to pay off my debt. I want to work, and pay my bills, and go to the yoga studio, and take care of myself again. I want to pay the $2500 to get my yoga teaching certification and teach yoga for awhile. I want to travel.
I want, more than anything in the world, to know what freedom actually feels like.
I want these chains and anchors to go away.
College is standing in the way of what I really want to do with my life right now.